The romance of being alone, as a lone, lonely subway soul loner, has a lot of contributing factors as we mused in Part one of ‘The lonely Notion’. https://subwaysouls.com/the-lonely-notion-part-one
We all have our thoughts of the subway, we all feel a different vibration and the underground frequencies are there for us to pick up and put down as we choose to.
I’m a daydreamer though; and I choose to be an old romantic about these things. Having said that I must admit I haven’t had a death defying underground experience in the middle of the night to make me think otherwise.
In my world – I like the bustling chaos of the subway train, because amidst the throngs of people jostling for space, I can sit, seemingly oblivious to the flurry of activity around me – should I choose to. Or I can sneakily watch the other souls in the carriage, and up and down the escalator. Or not so sneakily glare at the occasional ‘colourful’ soul whose antics are hard to ignore.
Once again, let me remind you – I am not a subway soul from necessity. My romantic notion is formed from infrequent and selective trips. Remember this, it will be useful later. (Later could mean decades later so don’t spend too much time remembering this point, especially if sacrificing a more valuable memory.)
My wonderment at the harsh fluorescent lights flickering overhead, casting eerie shadows that dance across the crowded carriage, or my wide eyed gaze fixed on the murky darkness outside as the train hurtles through tunnels, each one a fleeting glimpse into the unknown – probably isn’t the same feeling a commuter has, day in, day out, forever.
The rhythmic squeaking of the train’s wheels against the tracks, filling the air like a haunting melody that underscores the cacophony of voices and footsteps – is probably very annoying at the least – to a daily commuter. But this is my romantic notion of ‘the lonely notion,‘ of the subway souls commotion.
Despite the crowded confines of the carriage, I can feel myself appear distant, lost in my own thoughts. An expression of quiet contemplation, tinged with a hint of melancholy. Detached from the hustle and bustle of the commuters around me, as if lost in a world of my own making. Not noticing who walked on and who walked off.
Is it too much for me to say it’s like an out of body meditative experience? So enjoyable that I feel sad when I reach my destination and wished the commute would never have ended?
Occasionally, a gust of hot air rushes through the carriage, carrying with it the acrid smell of engine grease and stale sweat. I am sure the commuters around me are heavily perfumed for their time in the office but.. well.. all I am getting is engine grease and stale sweat. That shouldn’t be romantic should it?
The sensation is jarring, pulling us all momentarily out of our seats, or swinging from a tightly gripped grab handle, knocking me slightly from my meditative reverie and back to the reality of my underground surroundings.
But still, with the briefest of flickering eye lids, I can remain lost in introspection, a mind and soul wandering through the labyrinth of whatever fills me today. Creations or memories, thoughts and emotions.
The fleeting glimpses of faces and fleeting mumbled conversations pass me by, a presence unnoticed amidst the chaos of the subway.
And so I sit, a solitary figure in a sea of humanity, a heart full with the weight of solitude. A mind relaxed with a blanket of all our mashed vibrations. A soul on the subway where it should be, this right place at the right moment.
That amidst all this noise and chaos, there is a sense of quiet resignation—a recognition of the transient nature of existence, and the fleeting beauty of moments captured in time.
I think that’s pretty much how I would explain the romantic notion.
As for being alone, lonely a loner? We all have a very personal feel of this. Being alone or lonely can carry vastly different meanings depending on our own individual and unique circumstances.
For some, solitude is a welcomed respite—a chance for self-reflection, creativity, and personal growth. Those times when you have just said to those around you – ‘please just give me 5 minutes to catch my breath?’ Or maybe if you are like me that ‘5 minutes’ could also be a code for 5 days!
Reflective escape is a personal thing, a reset takes as long as it takes. To find solace in ones own company and ensure thriving in moments of quiet contemplation, is again a personal thing. It isn’t for everyone of course, some are the extreme opposite. There is no right or wrong.
For others, loneliness is a heavy burden, weighing down their spirit with a profound sense of isolation and longing. Factors such as social connections, relationships, and life circumstances play crucial roles in shaping one’s experience of loneliness. Lack of meaningful connections, whether due to geographical distance, social isolation, or emotional disconnect, can exacerbate feelings of loneliness.
Additionally, societal norms, cultural expectations, and personal experiences all contribute to how individuals perceive and cope with solitude.
Ultimately, the experience of being alone or lonely is deeply subjective, influenced by a myriad of factors that shape our understanding of human connection and belonging.
This isn’t a lecture or a preachers sermon. This is the root of subway souls rising from the underground. The mission statement and purpose being born and created. A hope and dream that we personally can formulate a path to knowing what we should do to fill the emotional gaps, as and when we need them.
There is no definitive answer to the meaning of life here. Not even a pretence of that. Just a hand held out at the moment it’s needed most. Part 3 of ‘The Lonely Notion’ will play around with more ideas on this subject. Maybe someone some-where will find this train of thought useful for themselves, to begin to move one foot from the quicksand.
One quick and easy little distraction which starts a new journey. No need to try and live a full life in just one day.
‘Don’t live your life in one day’ is an admonition to avoid rushing through life or trying to accomplish everything all at once. We know this is not possible of course but the essence of this in our ever demanding minds simply creates new unwanted anxieties of their own.
It creates procrastination. Because the task is now too big. A whole life in one day! So now we have more defensive emotions which are awakened, more to contend with. And even if these didn’t wake up….. there is no starting point. Where would you begin in a whole life needing living in one day?
Now – think of that in terms of being lonely then all of a sudden the feelings of isolation become heavier and greater. Darker and more impossible.
Instead of the simple phrase ‘don’t try to live your life in one day’ suggest taking things one step at a time, pacing oneself, and appreciating the journey rather than constantly striving for immediate results or gratification.
And notice. It doesn’t say stop living. Stop trying. Do it tomorrow. Nooo. We must live our life and live it as full as we choose. When it is right for us.
Well this is what I am taking away from this musing. How about you? What does it mean to you? It’s only your perception that matters here.
Living our life in one day can imply trying to cram too much into a short period, neglecting self-care, or failing to appreciate the present moment in pursuit of future goals. This in turn becomes a pressure, then a bundle of pressures, then an endless and inescapable prison of pressures and so inevitably we probably never could tick off each item on that super long list – in only one day. That becomes the rain cloud which follows us around. The disappointments and guilt and blame.
However – I feel that maybe it’s a reminder to slow down, savour the experiences, and focus on the process rather than solely fixating on the end result. Lifting one boot from the quagmire at a time. And it’s ok to move slowly. The quagmire is sticky. Don’t rush and lose the boot.